Daughters // grow and change

I adore this blurry shot of my two oldest daughters for a number of reasons. One, is that it really is so hard to get a normal picture of them together. Seriously, they are always pulling faces, or being silly in some way..but this capture is what I see everyday they are together. Smiling, laughing, glowing girls all in a blur. Blur, because lately I’ve been reflecting a lot about my part in raising these girls and its really just gone by so fast…just like a blur. Time is closing in on us. Soon they will be moving on with their own lives, away from home and on their own.

The Haiti mission trip that these two recently returned from was beyond wonderful in a number of ways for them. I knew and hoped they would grow and change from it. And boy did they. More than I ever expected. They seriously left one way and came home with a whole new perspective on life with new doors open to them that they didn’t think possible before. You see, when they left they both had their lives for the next four years planned out (or so I had thought). They were both working on achieving their MA (Medical Assisting) certificates while finishing up their senior year of high school. Upon graduation they were both going to head to college at the UofU, living on campus in the dorms and working towards getting their degrees in their prospective fields. Addie Pre-Med and Tay was still undecided but leaning towards something in the Humanities and Communication fields.

But all of that changed. Within a week of returning home they started plotting out big changes for their futures. And before I knew it I was being told to clear my schedule for Saturday night to make time for a major meeting with all parents so they could discuss a “plan” with us. A “plan”…what kind of a plan? My immediate thoughts “holy shit…their pregnant..or wait their doing drugs…or wait..none of that makes sense”. Because why would we all need to be at this meeting? 6 parents in all? (Yes, 6…if you’re confused…read the FAQs or ask me) If just one was pregnant, or doing drugs why would we all need to be there? For moral support? All I know, is man, your mind does some crazy ass things when you’re scared and stuff is unknown. Especially when it comes to your kids!

Being the impatient Mom that I am…I managed to get the idea of what the meeting was to be about out of them before the big meeting this past Saturday. The “plan”. They are moving at the end of the summer. “Moving? Yes, I know you are” is my response. “No, I don’t think you understand” said my daughter Taylor. “We are moving out of state.” Wait, whaaaat? So…long story short, not only are they moving, but they are bypassing their acceptance to the U, giving up their scholarships and closing that door for good.

To be honest I wasn’t really too surprised with their desires to leave Utah. They have both always shared a love for New York and had always dreamed of heading there after high school for college. We had always encouraged their dreams and kind of secretly hoped that they really would come true even though we knew the likely-hood of it happening was pretty slim. But Haiti opened new doors for them. New ideas. Ideas of adventures and risks. Ideas that flat out scare the shit out of me.

Watching your children grow up and make choices of their own can be oh so hard. Especially when its not exactly as you thought it was going to go or as you had planned. Sometimes as parents its hard to remember that its not about you. Not about what you want or how you want it to go. Especially with raising teenagers. All you can do is hope that you have instilled a good solid foundation and pray (like hell) that they make wise decisions…but even if they don’t it’s okay. They can fail. We all have. And its what makes us who we are, each of us. We wouldn’t be where we are had we not had multiple failures and successes. So with that…my heart and head feel good. I have faith that it will all work out as it should. It always does. And with the biggest part of their beings these girls know that. And they will be just fine.

So watch out Washington…my girls are coming for you and are ready to see and take in all you have to offer. And last night they purchased their first piece of furniture…a vintage couch for 35 bucks. So, they’re set.